Duryea's Lobster Deck

Occasion: Last Hamptons meal before heading back to the city

Location: Duryea's Lobster Deck on Tuthill Road in Montauk (duryealobsters.com)

Edibles: lobster rolls for me and Abby, with sides of coleslaw and potato salad; a burger (sacrilege!) for Jill; corn-on-the-cob and coleslaw for Elizabeth

Musings: It was perhaps not the most healthy or well-balanced of meals (mayonnaise being the base of all 3 items on my plate), but it was absolutely delicious and soul-deep satisfying. But for the limitations of budget and waistline, I'd have lobster rolls every day of my life.

I learned about this place from Montauk natives the day before. Completely beached-out after a few hours broiling under the midday sun, I left the girls happily basking at the beach and headed out in search of shade. I found it at a little health foods store with a backyard area and some umbrella'ed tables. When a nearby mother and daughter saw me struggling to unfurl an umbrella at an empty table, they offered me the third shaded chair at theirs instead. We got to chatting. They were very friendly and gave me all sorts of insider's travel tips, including Duryea's. (Sometime, I hope to make it out to the Montauk library, which they also recommended.)

Trying to find Duryea's involved some hijinks, as our first attempt landed us right back at our hotel. With a little help from BB GPS (good, Gadget!), we managed to correctly navigate the winding, poorly signed roads to make our way there. My Montauk tipsters had not led us astray - well, not figuratively, anyway. For the same price as the previous day's Lobster Roll meal, we got huge rolls filled with hefty chunks of lobster. The homemade coleslaw was also very yummy, so much so that I poached Jill's. I found the sesame bun to be a little stale, but it was only a minor detraction from my very major enjoyment. Sitting at a shady table out on the deck, surrounded by the bay, it was the perfect end to our beach weekend.

Thanks go out to Montauk Mom and her adorable red-headed, college-bound daughter (I didn't even get their names - yikes).

Animal + Backyard

Occasion: Hamptons dinner with Abby, Elizabeth and Jill

Location: Animal + Backyard at the Solé East Resort on Second House Road in Montauk (soleeast.com/restaurant)

Edibles: bbq pork belly sliders, followed by grilled striped bass with creamed corn for me; pig ear chili-lime salad with a fried egg and the sliders for Abby; Jill and Elizabeth shared the deep-fried hominy app, the chorizo and petit basque cheese app and the balsamic pork ribs

Musings: We were so excited to read about chefs Jon Shook and Vinny Dotolo (two of Food & Wine's best new chefs of 2009, owners of Animal in LA) doing a pop-up restaurant in Montauk. We immediately made reservations.

First, a few sentences about the food before I start my rant on the horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE service.

The sliders had a great sauce and great flavor, but were about 80% fat. Total pork fat aficionado that I am, even I had to do some serious trimming. I loved my main, a luscious slab of bass. The serving size of the creamed corn was pretty stingy considering that fresh corn is practically free right now. Elizabeth and Jill's chorizo and cheese app was good, basically a dish of pizza toppings melted together. Their rib plate provided almost an entire rack; the meat was so tender it literally fell off the bone. Good sauce there, too. Abby's pig ear salad was way too vinegary and a couple of bites was plenty for me.

On to the farcically atrocious service. Pretty much everything that could go wrong, did. I think the fatal flaw was keeping the regular Backyard menu and kitchens going at the same time as the Animal stuff.

There were more than 10 people serving, but most of them spent the evening wandering around confusedly. One waitress in a blue dress was so dazed and out of it, we thought she had to be either stoned out of her mind or actually mentally disabled.

Despite our reservations, we waited half an hour for our table. We sat, completely ignored, at the bar area and had to ask three times before we got a wine list and cocktail menu.

After we were seated, they were, of course, very slow to bring menus and take our orders. Our empty appetizer plates sat on the table, uncollected, even after our mains had arrived. Again and again, we were brought the wrong food - either dishes we hadn't ordered, or additional plates of food that had already been delivered. I watched as the waiter carrying Abby's sliders stood by the computer for five minutes, trying to figure out where to bring the plate. The top of the bun tumbled to the floor, which he didn't notice. It was kicked aside by another waiter and lay in the doorway for the rest of the evening.

They messed up our order and only brought one plate of ribs when Jill and Elizabeth had each ordered one. And this was AFTER we asked them to check the order, after a third plate of sliders arrived at our table. (Luckily, this worked out perfectly since the serving size was so big, something a conscientious server would have mentioned.)

To top it all off, the stoned waitress spilled a entire glass of water on Abby. Not bothering to apologize, she just wandered off. When we complained to the manager, all he had were excuses. No apologies there, either. We walked off incredulous, exhausted, defeated, and out almost $200 collectively.

Undoubtedly the worst service I've ever experienced. I wouldn't eat there again if you paid me. At the very least, Jon and Vinny should issue a public apology to their diners for subjecting them to what I can only describe as a complete and utter clusterf*ck.

The Lobster Roll (a.k.a. Lunch)

(The 50th post! Happy reading.)

Occasion: Post-beach lunch with Abby, Elizabeth and Jill

Location: The Lobster Roll (a.k.a. Lunch) on the Montauk Highway in Napeague or Amagansett, depending on who you ask (lobsterroll.com)

Edibles: lobster rolls for me and Abby; shrimp roll for Elizabeth; fish and chips for Jill

Musings: Redolent of sunscreen and dusted with sand, we arrived. The place is pretty casual - we felt comfortable going in our swimsuits and cover-ups - but we also saw a Maserati convertible in the parking lot. You know you're in the Hamptons when...

While waiting for the food, I amused myself by coloring the paper placemat with the melty crayons provided at the table. Great fun!

The lobster roll was okay, but I've definitely had better; the lobster was pretty shredded and scrap-y. Jill's fish was wonderful, though. A Hamptons institution it may be, but Lobster Roll has a ways to go to catch up to Mary's or Pearl.